there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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