I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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