this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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