Your tits are I can't wait for
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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