Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Semen is not good for contacts.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
