Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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