Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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