well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was like eating out sand paper
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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