you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
