I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Someone signed my nipple.
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