I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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