i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so let's talk penis.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
