ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
