When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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