i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
