when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
