before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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