Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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