I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
barbara walters just said penis...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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