Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
