just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
