the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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