i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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