so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
