Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
