Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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