Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
