i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
