I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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