just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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