i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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