Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
