...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
