woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
