You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
