She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
