Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
