he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
