This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
