dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
handjob tips. give me some.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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