It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
