I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
