So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
