508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
