my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
