So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
