youre lurking in front of me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
