He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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