please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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