I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
