I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
