I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
