I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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